The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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