he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
