I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
