we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
