I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
