& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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