"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
