1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
