erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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