I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
