I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
