i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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