I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
