You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
