if you like me you must not know who I am
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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