my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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