Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
