i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
