im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
