Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
