So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
