What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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