no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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