Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
