I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
why is half of my head shaved?
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