I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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