me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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