i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
