If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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