im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
