My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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