I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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