so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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