It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
