You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
