Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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