Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
