he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
