I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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