who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
