we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
