I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
