I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
