Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
