and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
