Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
