'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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