dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
