If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
