mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
