I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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