I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
