I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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